30,000 km or two years with Smart ForTwo

Somehow it happened that I started to look at these cute little cars, but I could not buy because my wife said – this is not a car, the family needs a normal one! I found a normal one for myself later, but I asked this one to move out and bought myself a Smart! (there is a mat)

Ideally, it should have been some classic color like black, white or gray, but when I saw an advertisement for the sale of a blue convertible, I realized that there was no time to choose a color, it’s his mother’s convertible. I called a friend and we went to meet the baby.

The previous owner turned out to be a huckster and would even sell skis to a disabled person. We didn’t go to the service station and carry out any diagnostics, we just called the service, where we were told that everything was OK with it and we would have to invest 100-150 bucks at the most … after a couple of hours we were already sitting at the MREO waiting for our turn.

Having attached new numbers to the front and rear bumpers, we removed the roof, loaded up the beer and went to wash the new member of my family. It was exactly two years ago, on April 14, 2018. the day I met my best friend.


Everything you heard about Smart is true. Depending on what you heard…
  1. The death capsule is FUCK! Only fuckers say that, who don’t know shit and didn’t even try to find out. The essence of these little assholes is their design and the ability to destroy almost any car in a collision.
  2. Thrift – is wrong! These assholes eat like crazy, my liter with a turbine of 2008, there are about 7-8 liters per hundred, which is quite a lot for its dimensions.
  3. Close salon – is wrong! The cabin is quite spacious and if you sleeper under two meters you will still have somewhere to stretch your legs, and if you fuck the driver’s seat completely, then it’s not a fact that you can reach the pedals.
  4. Small trunk – FUCK! I transported a hell of a lot of things in it, 4 wheels intermeddle and there is still a place for a sports bag. So many bags didn’t fit into my father’s Moskvich, like the amount that my mother stuffed into the trunk of Smart when I picked her up from the village. Sleeping in the car is also quite comfortable if that. I won’t say about fucking, I didn’t fuck, but fuck, this is a convertible, I think you can fuck in any position there, it would be a fantasy.
  5. Blows with the wind – partly true. And who the hell doesn’t get blown away in a hurricane? We rode it to Poland and back, it was drowsy only when we overtook trucks, it staggered a little. But in general, the rules.
  6. Hard – pure truth. It is better not to drink beer from a glass bottle, you can spit out your teeth on our roads. On autobahns and good asphalt, it floats like a Black Pearl on the sea.
  7. Parking is true. If you know how to park, then fuck it all, but in my case, even a tank, even a Smart, I didn’t really learn how to park in two years. So it’s up to everyone. Naturally, in theory, because of the dimensions, it should be convenient and easy, but not for me.
  8. Poor traffic – is wrong. I went fishing on it, traveled around the field and drove where the SUV from our own company could hardly get over, the dude was in awe. Yasen dick it was not a swamp, but dry impassability, but nonetheless. Smart has no muzzle, he has nothing to cling to the ground, he just drives into the pit and leaves. I also skated the snowy winter with a bang, it already depends on common sense and rubber, if you don’t pile on ice on summer tires, then everything will be fine, it also goes fine in the snow, if you get stuck, then you just take it and push it out.

We rushed along the highway at a speed of 145 km / h – this is the maximum speed declared in its specifications, at the same time, the GPS on the phone occasionally gave out 149 (probably from a hill), and the speedometer needle rested on the last mark of 160 km. The average consumption at these speeds was 8-9 liters. But it’s a bit cheesy to drive this car at this rate, it’s a city car or whatever I call it a girls’ lounge car (if it’s a convertible). 80-90 km without a roof in the sun with some chick in the passenger seat – that’s what it was created for.

In two years, I had to change the intercooler fan, because the bearings fell down, some kind of racks or something like that, because I flew into a fucking hole and bent everything to the fuck, and the clutch, which they said at one service station needed to be changed two years ago, and on the other they said last week – it’s time. All! All fuck! A timely oil change and nothing fucks you at all, except that, except for the bulbs, they go out regularly, because of the stiff suspension, the springs in the incandescent bulbs just go through the pussy, so I advise you to pack a couple of pieces of spare bulbs with the first aid kit.


For 2 years, from April 18th to April 20th, I laid out 92 thousand Ukrainian money on the car. This sum includes absolutely all the costs of the car, except for gasoline.

That is: brand new alloy wheels + their painting, winter tires and two front summer tires, tinting, washing, vacuum cleaner, oil change, replacing / fixing that garbage I wrote about in the previous paragraph, shampoo and conditioner for a removable roof, new wipers, new light bulbs , a few more times new bulbs, dry cleaning, new rugs, some plugs for the turn signal lever, caps on the disk with a logo, caps on winter wheels, a fire extinguisher with a first aid kit and probably some other petty fuck … in a word – not only repairs .

Well, gasoline is a separate issue, but by the way, I note that it took 57k with a penny. These are daily trips to work and home, to my mother, to ride, to roll Kyiv-Lviv-Kyiv, Kyiv-Uzhgorod-Lviv-Lublin-Kyiv, somewhere on the Kiev Sea, somewhere else in the suburbs … in short, roll 30,000 km (31 kopecks, to be more precise) in total.

Damn, the dough is gone, if you figure it out …

The main thing

Smart is not a car to transport something or go somewhere. Smart is a full-fledged member of the family, your best and most loyal friend.